How Do You Deal With A Toxic Friend?

Doesn’t sound like she’s much of a friend. My recommendation would be that the next time she calls, I’d interrupt the unloading and say something to the effect of “Oh, Mary, I’d love to talk to you, but I was just heading out the door”. A few times of that, and the calls will stop happening.

Exactly why do you want this person in your life? I think I would cut her out without an explanation. It would be more drama if you tried to discuss it with her.

That’s not friendship. That’s codependency. It should be ended immediately.

Shall we award the vexatious with anything less than Golden Silence?

As @chyna so wisely notes, “cut her out without an explanation”.

We gone, bye bye!

Fire her.

I used to have a friend like that, notice I said “used to”

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies – That’s not even co-dependency, that’s straight up using someone!

@amazonstorm – Let that chica toddle off on her merry way. You’ve got a lot of stuff to deal with right now.

In the bin, she’s not worth the brain ache…… :-/

@aprilsimnel I understand. It’s just that the OP stated ”...she unloads on me… and gets mad when I unload on her…”

It seemed a two way street.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies – Then thank goodness @amazonstorm has wised up. :)

I’d recommend getting rid of her, but you’ll probably have to tell her that you are, she may not stop bugging you otherwise. I’ve had to do that. I wrote a letter, then never answered her calls. (No caller ID then, I just screened everything through the answering machine.) It was very effective.

So sorry about your Mom, my thoughts are with you.

Sounds like you already know, you just may want some validation from us. Here you go.
VALIDATED!
I wish I could make it red for you. ;-)
Your explanations would fall on deaf ears, so don’t waste your breath. Move on and move up.

Get rid of her. You don’t need to carry her baggage with you.

I would dump her but I would tell her why. There’s a slight chance it might be a learning experience for her.

The fact that she did not acknowledge the loss of your mother should have been all the reason you needed to drop this person as a “friend”. And to really bring closure to this so called friendship, you might want to tell her exactly why. Then move on and don’t look back.

I would drop her like a hot potato, not much of a friend. Sorry to hear about your mom.

I don’t.

@Frenchfry Hehehehe. you said “Hot potato” Hehehe. Get it? Potatoes? French fries? Heh heh…. ok, well, I thought it was funny.

One word: Detox. If you can’t fix the relationship, walk away from it.

First, I’m very sorry for your loss. My parents are aging, and I recently lost an uncle of their generation. Grief is a difficult thing.

Second, I wish I could give you an easy answer on how to deal with this other person in your life who is so selfish. You need to find a way to cut her out of your life, but that’s easier said than done. You might try being blunt. Tell her how you are grieving and that you don’t appreciate her dumping more worries on your shoulders and that for the time being you’d rather not hear from her. Or you might simply stop answering her calls. If you have caller ID, don’t answer the phone when you see it’s her.

I’ve been there and I walked away. Think of all that free energy and what you could do with it!

Friends, unlike family, are not forever. Say goodbye to that friendship, it is over.

I would get rid of her… she is not a friend in my book.

Tell her, she isn’t a friend, a goood one at that, for the things that she has done. One, I’m terribly sorry to here about your mom, secondly, I have a friend just like that. I got sick of hearing her complain and when trying to open up to her, gettingg shot down. So I told her straight up that i didn’t like how she acted and treated me and she was mad, but she got over it and now we are back to being “good” friends.

Sorry about your loss. Losing a loved one sometimes help put all of your other relationships into better perspective.

I would first define a friend as someone you actually do things with, and have a bond with. Everyone else is just people you know. If you can’t define your bond with this person, or describe things you’ve done together in the past few years, then back off from the relationship. You could reach snapping point and tell her off, but it’s really much easier to just stop answering her phone calls, and delete e-mails and texts without reading them. Let her just drift away.

Explain how you feel, if she doesn’t decide to face the path of change cut of the added stress in your life. But don’t expect change to come quickly or easily. It will take effort from you and her both.

Just cut the rope….It doesn’t seem worth it, If you’re willing to listen to her then She could do the same for you, we all need each other, so if she can’t provide it then she doesn’t seem like a friend to me. It’s just what I think though.

I’m with @daytonamisticrip . If she is a friend and you still care about her in any sense, then let her know how you feel. She deserves that much. Depending upon her reaction or if she changes her behavior over time will allow you to make the decision to let her go with a clear conscience.